BMS's Never-Ending Layoff Saga: Because Nothing Says 'Happy Holidays' Like Pink Slips

Just when you thought Bristol Myers Squibb had finished its epic game of corporate musical chairs, they've decided to pull out even more seats. In what's becoming an almost quarterly tradition, BMS has announced another 195 layoffs in New Jersey. But wait – there's a twist! These layoffs will be spread out like a slow-drip coffee maker, trickling through from February to December 2024. Because why rip off the band-aid when you can slowly peel it away over an entire year?

Let's do some math, shall we? This brings the total count of BMS employees in Lawrenceville who've gotten the "it's not you, it's us" speech this year to a staggering 1,329. That's not a workforce reduction – that's a mass exodus. And speaking of timing, let's appreciate how they dropped this news right as everyone's planning their holiday celebrations. Nothing says "season's greetings" quite like a WARN notice.

But fear not! This is all part of BMS's master plan to save $1.5 billion by the end of 2025. Because apparently, when you're a pharmaceutical giant with blockbuster drugs like Eliquis and Opdivo, the obvious solution to patent cliffs is to start showing your workforce the door. Who needs experienced employees when you have "innovative and transformational medicines" to deliver? (Their words, not mine.)

Here's where it gets really interesting. BMS can't even tell us which of their two Lawrenceville sites will bear the brunt of these cuts. Will it be the corporate headquarters on Route 206? The Princeton Pike location with its commercial and late-stage development teams? It's like a corporate version of Russian roulette – nobody knows where the axe will fall next.

And let's talk about that earlier round of cuts in May – 963 employees in one go. Makes this latest round of 195 look almost modest in comparison, doesn't it? How thoughtful of them to space out the next wave of cuts over an entire year. It gives everyone plenty of time to update their LinkedIn profiles and perfect their "it was a mutual decision" speeches.

But wait – there's more! Remember Mirati Therapeutics? BMS barely had time to hang up the "Under New Management" sign after their $4.8 billion acquisition before showing 252 employees the door. At this rate, they might want to consider installing revolving doors at all their facilities – it would make the constant flow of departing employees more energy efficient.

The company's spokesperson, with what I can only imagine was a straight face, explained that they are "optimizing operations" while "prioritizing investments" for the highest value for patients and shareholders. Translation: We're cutting jobs now because we didn't plan well enough for patent expirations that everyone saw coming years ago.

Of course, BMS isn't alone in this corporate version of The Hunger Games. Pfizer is trying to save $4 billion by year's end (apparently by checking under every couch cushion in their offices). Novartis, Bayer, Takeda, and Biogen are all playing the same game of corporate Jenga – carefully pulling out blocks (employees) while hoping the whole structure doesn't come tumbling down.

But here's what really takes the cake: Chief Financial Officer David Elkins (the same guy who missed the demand for Revlimid by a billion dollars, yes billion with a "B") proudly announced that about two-thirds of the savings would come from R&D spending. Because nothing ensures future growth quite like cutting the department responsible for developing new drugs. And as a bonus, they're ending work on about a dozen clinical programs. Who needs a diverse pipeline anyway?

So here's to BMS, boldly leading the way in showing us how to handle patent cliffs – by creating unemployment cliffs instead. One can only wonder what 2024 will bring. Perhaps they'll innovate further and start laying off employees before they even hire them? Now that would be truly transformational. BMS's Never-Ending Layoff Saga: Because Nothing Says 'Happy Holidays' Like Pink Slips